December 18, 2017
It came in the mail sometime last week. The outside of the
envelope identified the contents. I didn’t open it for a couple of days. Its
content was the source of a flood of emotion that has not subsided. It was from
my churches’ international office and the envelope contained my 2018 minister’s
card that identifies me as a licensed and ordained minister in my tribe.
I spend quite a chunk of my day in the bedroom of our house
that we’ve turned into my dialysis clinic. As I did my treatments each day, I
looked at the ID card and traced the last 35 plus years in ministry. One of the
most significant parts of my spiritual journey, outside my conversion and
ongoing relationship with Jesus is the revelation of God’s church – His one
church. All persons who have come to faith in Christ through faith and
repentance are in God’s Church. Over the years I have been blessed to know,
love, and work beside brothers and sisters in Christ from nearly every
religious persuasion. The fellowship and partnership in ministry that we have
all shared are treasures that cannot be replaced. But, I am thankful that God
saw fit to place me in the group to which I belong and in which I have been at
home all of my life.
I have kept the card close since receiving it as a reminder
of the tremendous sense of pride that I’ve had over the years to have been part
of the ministry of the movement that has brought significant change to most of
the earth’s continents. Is my “group” the largest of churches and has their
influence been felt because of their size? No, quite the opposite. But there
has been a global influence nonetheless. Thousands have come to know Jesus because
of the Gospel being preached since around 1880.
I remembered the start of my own pastoral ministry in 1984.
I thought then (and believed) that the hopes and dreams born in my heart would
find their fulfillment in my ministry as a pastor. Over the years I have heard
stories of pastors who had long term ministries. (And I’ve personally known a
few.) These precious men and women served in the same congregation for decades.
They were able to see children converted and see those children grow up, find
life mates, and have children of their own. They rejoiced with their flock when
babies were born. They walked with those whose lives were changed by death. In
each case, love flowed between the hearts of the family.
I was never able to have a long-term ministry. My last
pastorate ended in 1995. I am forever grateful for the ever so brief pastoral
positions I did have. Some of my fondest memories and greatest blessings came
from the churches that I was able to serve as pastor. And yet, there is a deep
longing in my heart.
As I said, my new ID card brought a sense of humble pride.
(Is that an oxymoron?) (As opposed to arrogant pride.) It also brought a sense
of sadness and regret. The regret was fueled by this, probably a lie from satan,
If I had only done things differently…it
is too late for an assignment that would span more than a few weeks, much less
years. I still hope for fruit to grow from those times when I was able to share
the Gospel with groups of people.
I realized today how tired I am. There seems to be little or
no strength to even maintain a semblance of the dream even though dreams enable
me to eat my daily bread. I also realize that I am unable to be content. I
understand what the Bible says about being content. Paul speaks of that
particularly in Philippians four, but I think the context is referring to
material things. My discontent comes from unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
I am still a part of God’s family. I was able to serve with
an enthusiasm that for a season, seemed to be contagious. I look back with joy
and happiness. I look forward to crossing the finish line and hearing the Lord say,
“Well done…” I love the connection that my little white ID card declares. I only
wish I had been given more time to be a part of a global mission.
